Tuesday, September 20, 2016

Just some thoughts...

     Yesterday, I was missing mama...  And I posted on facebook the profile that I made in memorance of her.  I made a picture album to with pictures of the family.  Me my children their children and great grandchildren..  It is mostly for us family who miss her.  But all of a sudden when I was doing it.  I though about the celebration of life.  I have difficulties, bad bad back panic disorder among other things.  And as I visit blogs and facebook friends.  I'm noticing I'm not alone at the least.  I quit going to the Jehovah Witness Kingdom Hall , the only way I mostly knew all my life.  But because thats how I was brought up.  I knew some what of other faiths...  But not like them.  Certain events pushed me to look into the structure of them.  And I found it unbelievable...  I was sadden, but relieved as well.  The pressure is to much.  So at any rate I miss the ritual of going to church and the association.  But I can not do fake and pretent it has never been me.  But I'm learning as I go along.  So I feel I have grown some what.  Which brought me to the thinking of the celebration of life.  I know this much for sure.  I believe in God and the Christ.  And I believe we should not take life for granted.  And I know following our lords way makes it easier to swallow this crazy world ways and actions.  I'm also glad I'm no part of this upside down world.   As he says Do not love the world or anything in the world.  If anyone love the world, the Father is not in him.. 1John 2:15.  Celebration of Life...  There were celebrations of life, one when Jesus brought Lazarus back to life.  The passover was a celebration ?  I think we should cherish life.  Not take it for granted.  Life is about living and death.  And in between learning gaining knowledge and wisdom, but I believe it to be in our Father and our Lord Jesus Christ.  I'm 58 years of age but I have yet to gain all that is necessary, but are grateful that the Heavenly Father is showing me the way to it.  So that is a celebration Of my life...  Faith in him ✨💛✨ 
   With love, Janice... .  

Saturday, September 17, 2016

Struggle...

     The word struggle means different things to everyone.  As I struggle with my life trying to make heads or tails out of it.  Trying to understand the meaning of why I exist at times.  I know I'm not alone in this wonderment.  I don't know why I'm here on this earth or what my real purpose is.  I have struggled throughout my life with so many things from a young age into my adulthood.  Bad relationship with my father because of his alcoholism, bad relationships because of their own additions starting with a boyfriend who turned to using drugs and my own self using light weight drugs...  My brothers my cousins my friends. Thank God I had sense to walk out of it.  All the childhood neighborhood ended up using drugs..  Once upon a time things were wonderful in our neighborhood..  Full of kids and families a community of mixed races among a Russian community...  I have wondered in my mind many times was this my destiny a life of struggle.  Was it dads fault for becoming a alcoholic was it moms fault for not leaving dad.  Was it my fault for anything.  I don't know.  But I'm sitting here at 58 wondering and saying to myself I should have been stronger..  So many things I should have done differently..  I can't change the past only the future.  I'm ready to move on my own.  I'm tired of cleaning up after grown children who are adults with their own children.  I'm tired of all the struggles I had to endure all my life.  And now I struggle with Church and where I should belong.  I haven't given up God and my Lord Jesus Christ, because honestly with out them I would have absolutely nothing at all ...  It is all I have left in my life..  Really I think it is all I ever had..  If it wasn't for him my heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ I don't believe I would have survived this long..  Today I read a post that made me feel good..  About asking God to asking the Lord to prop you up...  I'm asking today for him to prop me up...  Straighten me out dear Heavenly Father and my Lord Jesus Christ..  Show me which way I should be walking in your light...  
     I liked this as well she posted this too, 
Dear Lord, 
     Help me lean on you today.  My life I yield to you, A channel for thy love and grace to be.  Use me as thy wilt, I humbly pray.  To point some soul unto the living way.  More purity give me, more longings for home.  More fir for thy Kingdom, more use would I be, more blessed and holy....  More Saviour, like thee... 
     Our struggle may be, but we need to lean on him, more and more asking him for what we need..   Thank you Sylvia for sharing your post this morning Slyvia is from the blog  A grandmas blessing @ http://agrandmasblissings.blogspot.com/.  Plz visit her to see the original post
 With love, Janice